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 "Scroll down the page and send me your Jokes" |
Here are the jokes for you.... Answer: "The sky covers the whole generation and the skirt covers the generation hole" 2 straight men are sleeping in the same bed. One of them woke up in the middle of the night and asked the other one :"John , are you masturbating right now?" The other one replies "Well... yes, I am..." "In that case, would you mind to use YOUR OWN equipment?" There once was a lady who was tired of living with men who were either physically abusive,who ran away from her, or who were horrible in bed. So she put an Ad in the paper, that was asking for a man who: 1)would treat her nicely 2)wouldn't run away from her, 3)would be good in bed. Three weeks passed, and there was no reply from any man. So she just figured that there wasn't a man alive who could live up to these expectations, so she just gave up. But then, one day she heard the doorbell rang. She answered it, and there on the front porch was a man in a wheel chair who didn't have any arms or legs. The man said 'I'm here about the ad you put in the paper. As you can see, I have no arms so I can't beat you, and I have no legs so I can't run away from you.' The woman replied, 'Yes, but are you good in bed?' And the man said with a smirk on his face, 'How do you think I rang the doorbell?' The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" The Kid says, "Yeah." The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike." The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a .00 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did." The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top." Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man? A: How do you breath through that thing? Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their professions: One guy says, "I'm a YUPPIE..ya know... Young, Urban Professional." The second guys says, "I'm a DINK...ya know...Double Income, No Kids." They asked the woman, "What are You?" She replied...."I'm a WIFE...ya know...Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc." A Woman goes to see a new gynaecologist for her first exam. The doctor gets her in the stirrups and spreads her legs. "Oh my god!!!" The Doctor exclaims. "In all of my life, I have never seen such a huge vagina!!... huge vagina!!" The woman replies, "Doctor, I Know it and I'm very self-conscious about it. You didn't have to repeat yourself." The Doctor says, "I didn't, it was an echo!" There was a husband and wife living together. The husband was not content with his wife's breasts. They were too small. One day, when the wife changed her bras, he asked bluntly, "Why in the world do you wear bras when your breasts are so small?" Then she replied, "have I asked why you wear a underwear?" In Egypt, there was an army camp located far away from the city. In this camp there were soldiers and a commander. Three months, they lived and there was no sign of women around the camp. One day the commander got very horny and called one of his soldiers over. He asks, "Hey soldier, what do you and your friends do when you get horny? I'm so sick and tired of masturbating". "Oh, we use the camels that we have on our camp sir", the soldier replied. "That is so disgusting, how can you do that to such an ugly and smelly animal, get out of here!" the commander shouts angrily. However, when the fifth month rolled by and there was still no sign of any women, the commander could not resist his desire any longer. He called in the same soldier and asks, "Hey soldier, where's the camel? Take me to it". The soldier took him to the camel and the commander quickly strips off his pants and fucks the camel. After he's done he asks the soldier with a big grin on his face, "How was my performance, was it better than you and the other soldiers?" "It was very good, sir." the soldier replied, "Except, we usually ride the camel to the city to get some girl." construction worker on the 3rd floor of a building needs a handsaw. He sees another man on the 1st floor. He yells down to him, but he can't hear, so he does sign language. To do sign language, the man on the 3rd floor points at his eye meaning "I", points at his knee meaning "need", and moves his hand back and forth in a handsaw motion. The man on the 1st floor nods his head, pulls down his pants,and starts masturbating. The man on the 3rd floor gets so angry he runs down to The 1st floor and says, "What the fuck is wrong with you, dumbass? I said I need handsaw!!"....... The other guy says," I knew that, I was just tryingto tell you, "I'm coming." A pilot, 2 priests and 2 kids are in a plane. The pilot announces "we're gonna crash! You can all fight over the 2 parachutes in the back". And with that, he jumped out. The first priest says "Strap the 2 kids together in one, and you take the other. I'll go down with the plane". The second priest screams, "Fuck the kids!" The first replies, "Are you kidding? We don't have time!" A third-grade teacher is giving an English lesson to her class. The teacher says, " 'Mary had a little lamb / whose fleece was white as snow. / And everywhere that Mary went / the lamb was sure to go.' This is an example of poetry but can be switched to rpose just by changing the last line from 'the lam was sure to go' to 'the lamb went with her.' Can anyone give me an example of poetry or prose?" Little Johnny raises his hand and says, " 'Mary had a little pig / an ornery little runt. / He stuck his nose in Mary's clothes / and smelled her little...' " He stops. "Do you want poetry or prose?" "Prose!" says the teacher. Little Johnny looks up, smiles mischievously, and says, " '...asshole.' " A sex-craxed man needed to cross towns. The journey would take 4 days and required a trip across a desert. He packed his supplies and set across the desert with his camel. On the first day, everything went smoothly. He was feeling pretty horny though, so he masturbated. On the second day he was so horny that he decided to fuck his camel. Every time he tried though,the camel would move away. The man became annoyed and decided to forget it. On the third day, he tried again, but the camel kept moving away, so he gave up again. On the fourth day, he's only about a few more miles away from his destination, but is determined to screw his camel. Before he could even try though, a beautiful girl appeared. She was wearing rags and her hair was in a mess. The gal was so happy to see him that she ran all the way to him and cried, "Could you please give me some food and water? I will gladly do *anything* for u if you do so!" The guy, being an angel at heart and since he had surplus food and water, shared with the gal. The gal gulped down everything and after finishing, she turned back to the guy and asked seductively, "So what do you want me to do?" getting all horny again, the guy asked the gal, "Could you please hold the camel for me?" There were some students in a high school anatomy class. The teacher was discussing the makeup of semen. He was telling the class how it contains the sugar, deoxiribose. And this popular girl, who sitting in the back of the class, raises her hand and says, "Well, then why does it taste so salty?" |
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